I had a dream last night where I was smoking one of those long, fragile, somehow classy  cigarettes.  So swanky that it's ashes, light and floating, fell into birds.  Little tiny fowls that flew on until level with my knees, then shifted to flower petals.  Then these petals grounded on a brook and spun slowly in the wind, unbothered by the fish below, unbothered by what they didn't know.  Twisting and twirling, back and forth for a while, until the sun sunk.  They suddenly stopped.  Nothing moved except the fish below, and even the fish seemed odd.  The water got thick with ash.  More ash fell, fast and heavy, congealing the small lake.  Slowly but definitely, the ash settled atop the brook. While I blinked, the ash turned into birds. Thousands of baby birds, fighting and screeching and suddenly I saw red.  Bloody, crimson red, covering my eyes like a filter over my lenses.  I watched this genocide take place right in front of me.  I didn't get the urge to stop it, or to help these defenseless creatures.  I just watched as all these baby birds die, one then the next, and the next.  I expected them to transition, as they did before, into petals, and to end this atomic death-flash before me to cease-but they didn't. 
And then my body realized that it's standing in front of a full platform of broken little birds, fragile bloody babies.
And then I started to cry, but my tears didn't escape my eyes. The threshold kept them back, expanding.  I became blind, slowly.  My vision escaped me. All I could see was crisp, cold white.
And then I stopped crying.
I felt like I was floating, securely into nothing.  I felt my face, it was smooth, but it wasn't my face. My nose was hard and pointed.  I was no longer fleshed.  I was also no longer floating, and I was no longer worried about my existence existing. I just put my arms out and flew.  I felt free and liberated.  the wind licked my cheeks, tasted my ample new body.
And then I changed again. I smelled different.  I was smooth and sweet and silked from top to bottom.  Although my eyes were unfit, I saw pink.  A beautiful pink.
And then I felt slippery. I was grounded.  I was cold, I was wet. I spun back and forth. Gleeful and giggly. I didn't feel alone or worried or sad in the least.
I was overwhelmed with carelessness.
I just kept spinning as it got colder and colder around me. 
And then I just stopped.  I felt wrong and bothered. I felt thick and my filter saturated red.  I saw what was coming next, without having to see it.
And when I thought I felt my eyes start to open, I woke up.

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