You scratch my back...

Why is it that when I finally decide I'm bot looking for a boyfriend, all my crushes turn up in my dreams, falling just as in love with me as I am with them? It is downright UNFAIR.

I realized recently that my chasing after the last few boys I've liked was not a result of being ready and capable and willing to start a relationship, was just me being lonely and wanting someone with me constantly. And that in itself is the e act opposite of being ready to love someone else, and receiving love back from them.

I want need to be able to be an individually independent young woman. With courage and all the other Disney package-deals. Everytime I go to a social gathering mainly of strangers,  I'm the one who stands around the edge of the room, fake texting, waiting desperately for some bright soul to confidently come up to me and ask who I am. I can't be this timid little sheep anymore, its just not comfortable. Waking up worried isn't my thing, but I've been doing it a lot lately. I've recognized it, and im ready to break the habit.

I want to be able to feel like my words have importance and are interesting enough for a lot of people to listen. I want to be me again,  and to stop hiding from my beautiful world!

As for my dreams about love, cuddling and kissing... I guess we'll just keep those my little secret. Never hurts to kiss someone... especially if they don't know we've been kissing... ;)

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