I've made it a point to make a point of my life this year in grand junction. I'm going to meet people, say yes to things, and try to actually be my age, not ten years ahead.
Last year I was a hermit crab, moseying around from one end of my small box to the other, eating when I was bored and sleeping the rest of the time. Now it is time for me to move into a new shell. A bigger, fancier one. Not a small, dull, shell that blends with the sand beneath my yearning claws.
Oh how the black is escaping my body!
I'm really starting to fall in love with red. Bright red.
In small amounts, for now.
I'm turning me around, checking out the view of the world from a different set of eyes... and I can't say it bothers me.
I'm going to be the me I'm comfortable with. I can tell that I"m going to push myself into those awkward first conversations with people who will by the end of the year mean something to me.
I have already planned a few steps to begin my great year;
Waking up in the morning.
Making myself presentable, to myself even.
Eating a good breakfast.
-Actually eating a good everything. I want to make my body happy and healthy again!
If I have time, I'll read a few pages of whatever book I"m reading
Dress myself well. Not necessarily fancy, but just well enough to want pictures of myself that day.
I could go on, but I feel that this is enough for now.
If I make everything I do mean something, I"ll be happy. Hell, if I make half of everything I do mean something, I'll be happy.
I'm going to get a new job, one that makes me feel good.
I'm going to actually talk to people. Establish friendships. Possibly relationships.
My education is going to be my prime goal, even next to all of this.
I'm going to be the smart girl, still, but the smart girl that talks to people.
This probably means nothing to anyone else, just the outcome of a personal pity party. To me, it's a primal point in my life, at least at my small age of 19.
I'm going to make myself happy again. I'm the only one who can.
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